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amazing bloomers

Did you take a bath?"
"Why, Is there one missing?"

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"Are you chewing gum?"
"No, I'm John Smith."

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"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"

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"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"

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"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"

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Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."

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"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for Dinner."
"Who wants to eat friends?"

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"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."

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"I want some rat poison."
"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"

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"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the Other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."

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"May I hold your hand?"
"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."

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"Does water always come through the roof in this place?"
"No, sir, only when it rains."

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"When will you straighten out the house, dear?"
"Why? Is it tilted?"

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"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"

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"Now that you're married, you should have some insurance
"But why? My wife isn't dangerous."

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"I have changed! My mind.
"Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"

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Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

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